a bit better

so I'm starting to feel a bit better today. I'm not coughing as much as i was yesterday and my throat doesn't hurt as much either. Although i am losing my voice but that is from yelling at a lot of little one's! but ya. i am SO excited for Sunday! i get to go see my boyfriend and i cant wait! honestly things have definitely changed in the past few weeks. well since February 24th things have changed(the day Jon and i broke up) but things are pretty good now! my life is turning around even more and improving every day! honestly things couldn't be better right now! Life as i knew it is different. I mean i can say that when i turn 18 i am moving out of state and my boyfriend asked me to be his steady girlfriend last night and i accepted. we got to talking and if things work out with us we are moving to Wyoming or Kentucky or somewhere along the southern lines. if we stay in the area we'll most likely move to Sunol which is my favorite place in the bay area! but who knows? my life is definitely turning around!

on another note i miss talking to Jon it's almost as though I am closer to Dana(his mom) than him for pete's sake i am closer to JAKE(his 13 yr old brother) than him! i miss him alot! we don't even talk anymore! and if we do it's on a rare occasion! or if he needs something! why cant we just have a ormal friendship!? i really dont get it but its fine i guess he just doesnt feel ready to be friends or something who knows? I know he's going through some rough times but he could atleast call me every once in a while! Jon if you read this know that i miss you. i miss talking to my best friend. Please call me

Sick!

UGH! Honestly, i feel like crap today! I have been coughing all day!!! and frankly i am sick of it! my throat hurts, i have a fever, im congested, i have a runny nose, watery/itchy eyes, a headache the size of flippin texas, my cough sounds like a walrus and now the doctor thinks i have bronchitis! FRICKEN LOVELY! i cant afford to be sick right now! UGH! i have a project due tomorro! UGH!!!!!! I am not Happy at the moment! being sick is not my specialty! I really do not want to be sick right now! i cant be sick! NO! this needs to go away! NOW! grrr!

New Haircut

im a bit dissapointed with my hair at the moment because it's so short but i'll deal with it. i mean its cute but i am not thrilled with the length... but here are some pics of it anyway

MY HAIR!!!!!!!

UUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am rather pissed off right now, my hair stylist said i have to cut my hair... fricken lovely! its finally starting to get long again and now she says i have to cut it because the dye killed it! UGH!!!!!! i was hoping that for once i could grow it out but noooo i have to cut it! just lovely! oh well i guess ill have to get the extensions in the mall and deal with short hair! gosh darn it! oh well i guess i have to deal with it GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

BIG SHOCK!!!

so i went to planned parenthood and got a pregnancy test and shockingly it came out negative! yay! no more worries and no more being scared!!!!! lol! but i am now on birth control so i can be sure if anything like this ever happens again i can be safe!!!!

ugh! BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

i am so so so so SO STUPID!!!!!
so a couple of weeks ago i decided to go to my(now) boyfriends house when there was a party and i think i slept with him! UNPROTECTED!!!! god am i stupid or what?! and today i took a pregnancy test and it came out POSITIVE!!!! GOD! I hate my LIFE!!!! i am 17 years old! i am not in ANY WAY ready to be a mother!!!! i would never have expected this so soon! i want kids but not this soon! for god's sake i am not even an adult yet! UGH! i am not ready for this yet! i wanted my 1st kid between the ages of 20 to 25 not 17!!! ADVICE???? ANYONE?????!!!!!

broken phone drama!!!

i absolutly hate myself right now!!!!

so today i decided to go to del valle in livermore with my boyfriend and best friend and i ended up jumping into the lake and completely forgot that my phone was in my DAMN POCKET!!!!! god i am so stupid!!!!!!!!!! i CAN NOT believe i did that! wow... i must be tired to have forgotten to take my cell out of my pocket. next time i will make sure to check my pockets! but now i have to do heck of work to pay off the phone and the new one i will be getting, ugh! i have gone through 27 phones in the past 3 years and here comes #28 great i wonder how many phones i can go through in a lifetime. lets count and see! haha...maybe not. i think i'd lose track. i really hope its not hard labor that i have to go through to work this off!

UGH!!!! BOYS!!!!

so i trued calling Jon last night and he told me and i quote... "im watching TV u need to stop being clingy. we are NOT dating anymore!" i havent xalled him all week! what the heck did i do?! i've texted him like twice cause i thought he was mad at me cause thats what i heard but me asking him just caused him to be pissed off at me. and i think he's also pissed cause i have made a slight friendship with his mom.
then i get anither text saying "holy sh*t just f***ing stop with 'are you mad at me?' and sh*t like that" ive asked him that once.....
i dont know what i did wrong but i guess if he's not going to put an effort into this friendship than neither am i. i want t o be his friend but i refuse to be treated like dirt i will not stand for it!
i';; just stay close with his family and if he wants to talk to me he can.......

things are coming out of the dark

I felt like crap when Jon broke up with me a couple weeks ago but i am finally starting to feel much better. i've been an emotional roller coaster... up and down, up and down, for the past two weeks, but now my grades are improving, my mom and i are NOT FIGHTING(thats a huge plus!), im talking to my sister again. i feel amazing! but at the same time i do miss Jon. i mean i know it takes time to heal and i know i have a boyfriend but when i am with Cody all i can think about is Jon. but hey i'm 17 i have plenty of time to find the one. i've got a good 20 years before i start looking old and unattractive! HaHa! but i mean maybe things between Jon and I were just meant to be the way they are. I love being friends with him even though I miss him i need to have my own life and so does he. Now i think i understand why it ended. Besides i dont need a boyfriend, i have amazing friends and family who love me and my life couldnt be better but things are looking up. I am no longer sobbing and crying over him although i will always miss him. He showed me that i can be myself even around guys he also showed me that i can trust guys too.

Dana, you have an amazing son and any girl would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend . he treats women with respect and dignity. he is not like most guys... you definatly raised him well. he is a complete gentleman and its hard to find guys like that now days. Your son definatley reflects your personality because he is alot like you. and it's the same with all of your boys. even Brennen has your spunk and joyful attitude!

Jon, if you are reading this i wish you the best of luck and i hope you are happy. i do miss you but you deserve to be happy and have your own life. i'll move on. i'll be ok. thank you for everything Jon. you really turnedmy life around.

hangin by the last string

so i am still hanging on. dealing with it day by day but it's hard. i miss him more every day but life goes on i guess. i mean when your boyfriend dumps you what are you supposed to do? just sit back and pretend nothing is wrong? no i cant do that. i still love him more than i can even say but i have to deal with it. the song breathe by taylor swift is my bible at the moment, she is amazing. her music is so helpful cause its like her lyrics are my exact thoughts. but honestly i miss him so much i know he's younger than myself by alot but still i dont see how you can just stop loving someone in a second. gosh love is hard. and i was asked out today and i dont know what to say cause i still am hopelessly in love with jon....

Dana? help me please???? if you can?
or anyone at that matter?